Let Go

[Hannibal]

How I wanted to plunge into the lifeless clouds,
Doing seventy plus,
Hoping only to hit an unannounced brick wall.
But I slowed down and wore my seat belt,
Drove myself home calmly,
Staying collected.
I wanted to insert a barrel into my mouth,
Let it lounge there for a moment,
then pull the trigger.
But I couldn't,
I can't.
There you are,
Standing before me with your arms how they are,
Open.

I can't live with my past,
Let alone the past of anyone else,
Making certain pills very hard to swallow.
But I get my dosage of reality,
When I'm with you.
But when I'm not,
I'm left to fend myself off,
As I tear into my mind with reckless abandon,
Nothing to stop me,
From sinking deep within everything I was,
Which made me everything I am.

I look at these eyes hiding behind lies,
And see the person beneath.
These complex layers of skin,
And words,
Create meaning.
In a world full of unfulfilled prophecy.
But your there.
So I won't go dashing into the clouds,
Searching for the gates of non-life.
Because now I owe it to you,
For every breath you breathe,
I must breathe one more.
For you.

[SHATOUSHKA]

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